Modern romance seems to be scarier than many of us can even imagine. Scarier than ghosts, there is ghosting. Another fear to add to the roster is casual “situationships.” However, while all of these are legitimate and anxiety-inducing situations to face, some people experience a true fear of falling in love: philophobia.
Philophobia, put simply, is the fear of experiencing romantic feelings or falling in love due to previous trauma. There is no accurate number or statistic to estimate how many people suffer from philophobia, but the lack of Gen Z daters is commonly discussed. So, while not everyone open to the idea of love suffers truly from philophobia, this begs the question: Why? Why are so many single people straying away from falling in love?
There could be many reasons for this, but a very prominent one is the heightened use of social media. First, hustle culture has become more common in younger generations because of social media. From a less emotional standpoint, Gen Z may be fearful of falling in love due to career-oriented priorities being compromised. While being career-driven and motivated is not a bad thing, it can become isolating in terms of maintaining a social life. Another reason is the normalization of emotional detachment. Many Gen Z individuals have grown up surrounded by the idea that vulnerability is a weakness, especially online, where showing emotion often invites judgment or rejection. This mindset can make genuine connections feel risky – and in some cases, even frightening – feeding into the deeper fear of love itself.
A Drexel student explained their point of view on why they are afraid of love to The Love Triangle. “Love means being vulnerable with someone else, and you never know if it is actually real or not,” the individual said. “I think social media adds really unrealistic ideas to our heads, like the three-month talking rule that so many people fall for.”
Video trends and content creators offering black-and-white relationship advice can make being in a relationship feel polarizing. Studies show that 48 percent of content creators have posted about their own relationships or previous relationships online, and 91 percent of social media users have watched relationship-related content.
The problem with this TikTok-style advice is not that all of it is incorrect – it is that much of it is subjective and only applies to certain situations. This causes wide audiences to feel insecure about their own relationships or potential future ones. Social media can easily influence anyone, even those who do not consider themselves “easily impressionable.” Content pushing polarizing or contradictory advice can make any relationship seem intimidating from every angle.
Not only are the content and trends on social media making love seem frightening, but also the platforms themselves have also contributed to a higher rate of infidelity, especially among younger users. With disappearing messages and online interactions that blur the line between friendship and flirting, boundaries have become extremely unclear. Many relationships have ended over something as simple as a “like” or direct message, while others fall apart due to emotional cheating that begins online. This accessibility makes trust more difficult to build and maintain, further fueling the fear that love inevitably leads to betrayal or disappointment.
Relationships were always meant to be a union of vulnerability and love, but social media has contributed to vulnerability feeling frightening. While all the content and stories you see online are valid to someone, that does not mean they apply to everyone, and should not feed into people’s potential philophobia. Feel with your heart, not with online content telling you how to feel about your current relationship or beginning one in the first place.
