“I hope all your wildest dreams come true.” For everyone who smiles when they hear this phrase, someone else winces. Must those who repeat it be so inconsiderate – so unaware that, for some, one of their wildest dreams could just as easily be a perfectly justifiable nightmare?
It is not uncommon for someone in a loving, committed relationship to have a dream involving infidelity. Whether the dream depicts the individual being cheated on or cheating themselves, research indicates that approximately 23 percent of people in relationships experience a dream about infidelity within a given year. Although such dreams can feel distressing or confusing, there is no need to panic or draw immediate conclusions about your relationship. There are many possible explanations for why your brain might choose to stage this unsettling scenario – and it may have little to do with your relationship at all and more to do with your own conscience.
That being said, philosopher and psychologist Sigmund Freud popularized his own theory about why humans dream what they do. According to Freud, dreams stem from the subconscious mind’s manifestations – our secret wishes and hidden fears often shape the theatrical production that plays in our heads while sleeping. Unfortunately, there are no song or dance sequences to go with the production most of the time; however, they could give you deep insight into how you feel.
Let us rip the bandage off and start with the uncomfortable part: what if the dream is tied directly to your relationship? First, we will talk about being on the receiving end – unfortunately, the one who gets cheated on. Typically, being cheated on in a dream could stem from insecurity within the relationship or past trauma related to the scenario, although many other factors could trigger it. Certified dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg suggests that dreaming of an unfaithful partner does not mean they are being unfaithful with another person, but unfaithful with your time – or at least that is how it feels to you. If your partner recently picked up a job or joined a time-consuming extracurricular, you may feel as though they are choosing that commitment over you. Or, if your partner has cheated on someone you are close to, you could be insecure about what the other person has to offer. Maybe they are in a more financially stable position than you at the moment, or maybe you feel they align more closely with a certain beauty standard.
But for clarity’s sake, having a dream regarding this does not mean that it is true, and it does not mean there is a need to lash out at your partner. If there is something in particular that is bothering you in your relationship, talking through it with your partner is the best thing to do to put the insecurity or questioning to rest.
If you, as the dreamer, are the one committing infidelity, the main reason could be some underlying unfulfillment in your relationship. This unfulfillment could be tied to a lack of emotional or physical connection. You may even feel guilty about a decline in attraction you have toward your partner. But again, this is not the only reason you could have cheated in a dream. One possibility is underlying guilt about another issue – maybe you feel like you are neglecting their needs and putting all your energy into a project, or maybe you are holding back from telling them something deeply personal. According to Lauri Loewenberg, cheating with someone else in a dream could also mean you are attracted to something they have in life that you struggle with. For example, if keeping your home tidy is something you find difficult, you may dream about cheating on your partner with someone you know to be more well-organized than them.
In any of these situations, whether you are the one being cheated on or the one committing infidelity, one thing remains constant: sort out your feelings with your partner. Especially if these dreams – or nightmares – become recurring, the best thing to do is to talk these feelings out to prevent the dreams from becoming a long-term issue.